she was so not down for the gang bang
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
