hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
