Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
this hospital has no fireball
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
