But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Enjoy the penises
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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