Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
