i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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