I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
