We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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