tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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