gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
