Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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