I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
