You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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