I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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