I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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