Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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