You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
