i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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