saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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