Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Randomize
