Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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