you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
