Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
