Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
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Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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