The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
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They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
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You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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