they need to just BURY HIM!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
