There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Randomize
