i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
