I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
