Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He felt like a one man threesome
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
