she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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