I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
