omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
