I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
