My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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