Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
