Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
