My room smells like vodka and shame
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
