i already hear my dad disowning me
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
