You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize