I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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