If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
