I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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