i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
