I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
