you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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