i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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