It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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