Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
