how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
