after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
