oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize