No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
