That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
