i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
