I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
