A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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