saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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