Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
