sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.