I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off