I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.