can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse