Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
