Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.