highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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