I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
