the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.