hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
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I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
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He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again