Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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