true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
