...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
