brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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