Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
