Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
