My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
