Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
