Even the bartender felt bad for me
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
