Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
