I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
